不舍的祝福

这天还是到来了， 好久以前就不停的躲避这一天， 终于还是来了。

这天以后， 你就往新加坡展翅高飞，展开你新的旅程， 开拓你自己的视野，我终究不舍，不过想到你事业会更上一层楼， 也为你高兴。

回想那些美好时光，真得很开心，而这些回忆，将会深深的烙印在我脑里。

自私的我还是希望您心中永远存留我的影子，我知道我一定不会忘记你，最希望的莫过于缘分会再让我们相遇， 让我可以再次守候你的身边。

加油吧! =)

遥望不可及的美梦

在茫茫人海中，看见情侣们成双成对，恩爱的表现，

心中好想抓着您的手， 紧紧不放，

但想起您说过的不可能，

所以我还是怯步了，

这虽是我的遗憾，不过我还想保留这份甜蜜的想象，

无法实现，却 似梦一般美好。


"If there ever comes a day when we can't be together, keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever"

-Winnie the Pooh

是你吗？

有时不禁会想：是还未遇到，还是在身边却不慎错过？

距离上次的文贴，已有好几个月了，
这段时间，交谈多了，也渐渐更近一步的了解你，
与你几次外出，虽活动不多，但却过得很高兴享受，仿佛真的有甜蜜的感觉，
虽不知道你心里这么想，但希望你也享受珍视这段时光，
眼看现时已是三月，距离你到他国生活的时间也渐渐逼近，
有时不禁想起，会唏嘘，更想将时间停留， 留住你。

说真的，我活像个闷蛋，虽心里总想着取悦你，但方法千篇一律，
希望你别介怀，我不是不珍视忽略你，而是还未想到如何给你惊喜。

有时分不清‘爱’和‘喜欢’，只知道脑子里都不时会想到你，
想知道你吃饱了没，做着什么， 身体无恙吗，心情还好吗？

我不希望只当你人生中的过客，但更不希望你会觉得有压力，
虽然光阴有限，我愿意等待，慢慢了解你的心意，
也许命中注定有缘的话，这绝对不会是个句点。

替选舞伴

有些时候还蛮伤感的，
毕竟相逗你笑，但我幽默感似乎面对你时无从施展，
看到你闷时，想找人聊聊，但要开口聊，又不知说什么好。
当看到你跟他人聊时，你显得很高兴，
更难得的是你对某人聊时，显得更多话题，
显然关心的他的周遭也比较多，
就感觉到有他在，你会很开心，
虽然心里百般滋味，但也许你开心就好。

回想起跟你闲聊时你偶然说想跳舞，
也许你心中的舞伴是他，
但如果你无法找到排档，
我打从心底是很愿意与你共舞。　

默默守护

做不成手牵手的伴侣，失望是在所难免，
但如果你不介意，不嫌我难缠，
我还是愿意守护在你身边，
默默为你解困，解难，
心甘情愿的当一座你偶尔需要的靠山。

游走在这细线之间

有些时候关心你的周遭事物，希望你一切安好快乐，
但如果侵犯了你的私人空间，  终究很抱歉对你造成困扰，
在享受简单的玩笑之间，有时似是朋友简单的嘘寒问暖，
在我眼中好像模棱两可， 潜伏着充满可能性的机会，
虽是混淆，心头还是甜滋滋的，
深怕一旦表态， 一切美梦化作乌有，
也许享受这样的交流好了，一旦撕破脸，深怕当真变成陌路人，
到时就真的懊悔了。

犹记得你最近不经意地说， “还是单身最好”，
这么一来又好像解答了我的疑惑，
静下心来一想，也不是不无道理，
一者经济上无法负荷，因为终究还未就业，花不是自己挣来的钱，于理不合；
二者虽已达至独立年龄， 但终究对感情了解好像还不通透，思想好像不够成熟，深怕对大家造成伤害；
三者我还是无法分晓对你的关注是否属于普通朋友的程度；
四者也许你一直以来都是待我是好朋，这一些只是一厢情愿的想法而已。

在思想混淆的情况下，我看我还是沉溺在你跟我目前舒服的交流上，
就正如我朋友说般，“爱一个人不需要在一起，”
单纯默默地隐瞒和享受就好了。

终究不舍

大学生涯慢慢步入终点，
眼见最后的课业快完成了，
还有些不舍，
因为考试后，也许不会见到她了，
还真希望时间能倒流，让这一切有不一样的结局......

雨季情感

雨，尤能带出奇妙的情感。

滂沱大雨，倾盆大雨， 皆能覆盖复杂烦人的不宁思绪，

令心灵暂时获得歇息的空间。

相反，绵绵细雨，又能衬托出滔滔不息，柔情似水的情感

令人对人对事，浮生眷恋的心态。

二者之间，我尤喜欢后者，

雨水缓缓纷飞的情景，美轮美奂，令人不胜唏嘘，

雨后，大地的尘埃也一并洗涤，换来清晰的气息，

令人看了多了份朝气，精神为之一振。

在这雨季正盛之时，好期待下一轮捎来的情感变动。

Food poisoning!

Urgh, bad food poisoning, feel so vulnerable now. Fever, headache, body ache and extreme tiredness. Feel so unlike me.Yesterday was still working out, today the defence line was penetrated easily, sigh.

Gotta let my body resist this poisoning onslaught. Gotta sleep early. Urgh, till now couldn't identify the exact food souce causing all these mess.

听。心声

如此靠近，亦如此遥远，

好想迈出第一步，让你听出我矛盾的心声，

究竟你心系何处呢？

PS - Obama wins today after a close encounter campaign, congratulations! =)

你心底到底想着什么呢

此刻，你心底到底想着什么呢？

不想继续茫然，恨不得知道答案，却又害怕失望。

留意到你Twitter 的字眼，似乎意指另有所人，

嫉妒之际，也替他感到幸福。

虽抱有一线希望，但心已准备扑空,

也许他比较适合你，我就此送上祝福吧。

你存在我深深的脑海里

有时不知怎么的，脑中总是盘旋着你的影子，


相见时，心中总是充满雀跃感，

谈笑间，你的微笑总能提起我的精神，

有时还真想谈话的时间能够延长。

好几次你步行回家时，还真想陪伴你到车子去，但却没有勇气

有一次你要步行去购物市场的停车场，你推却说不用护送，

有一次傍晚你要步行去远离学校的泊车位，我又后悔没能守护，

两次中，总是担心你的安危，但庆幸你都平安抵家。

有一次大伙儿一同游玩，听到你缺席，不知怎么的，心中带有点失落感。

有时眼神交流的时候，还希望能注视你炯炯有神的眼睛久些, 看你是否有话对我说。

有时看到你身心疲惫，精神恍然，还真想为你分担烦恼， 让你重拾欢颜。

有时想靠的近些，却深怕你说我们还是做会朋友吧。

有时朋友哄托问我们是否在一起，看着你回答‘不是’的眼神，心中期盼你当时回答有所保留，保留‘有可能’的一线生机。

但是同时种种因素，我也迟疑却步，未能表达。

回想起你有时流露出的关怀，心中虽有甜滋滋的感觉，但也可能只是一厢情愿的错觉，

而我也经分不清，你终究是友情，还是错过的爱情。

Time

The Argument 

"Come on, where are the papers???" murmured a middle-aged men wearing an oversized-white coat. Sporting squarish glasses, the man, in his 30s, projects a scientific aura through his doctor-like coat in a rather weird-looking laboratory that is heavily stacked with gadgets. It is a busy environment with machineries interacting with each other, emanating echoes resembling those of the factory production lines piercing through the contrasting tranquillity of the spacious underground surrounding. The man, Professor James Culkin, is a highly regarded physicist specialising in the area of time and space. Being hailed as one of the brightest and most promising professor in the University of Illnois, James has initiated numerous astonishing breakthroughs in his areas of specialty, thereby taking the physicist field in a storm. 

Currently, he is working on his latest research, yet another potential creation that might make heads turn and may possibly earn him a candidacy in the prestigious Noble prize. The project under scrutiny revolves around a concept long fascinates mankind – the concept of time-travelling. In the heart of the spacious dungeon-lookalike laboratory laid a cubic machine that houses numerous complicated wiring and buttons that were clearly beyond understanding. As a matter of fact, the machine resembled the look of a portable metal washroom indeed, with the extensive addition of wires that occasionally churned out dangerous looking sparks. 

Frantically searching the mountain of paperwork like an excited treasure-seeker on the verge of finding a precious gem stone, James buries himself in the heaves of mess and the deafening noise of the machineries while holding an odd-looking L-shaped metal on his hand. “This is ridiculous!!!! The paper is just right here the moment before!!! I need it to recheck my formulas and to find out the exact location to input this piece. Ah, this is ridiculous!!” 

“James, is dinner time now. Jerry and Katie are waiting for you at the dinner table,” a loud and sweet voice emanated from the other end of the laboratory. It was Shereen, James’s lovely partner whom he has tied the knot with 5 years ago. Jerry and Katie, both 4 years old, are the adorable twins of the couple. “It’s been like 20 minutes since the last reminder, hon, you might want to put a hold to your work and enjoy the dinner first?” Shereen called out again. “Be there in a minute, honey, I’m very very close to getting the final part on any moment now,” replied James, still in his search for the vital piece of paper.

“You gave me the same reply 20 minutes ago and the kids are starving here already, come on, there’s always time for the machine later, it wouldn’t run away,” uttered coldly by an impatient Shereen. 

“Oh come on, I just needed like 5 more minutes?? I’m so close to getting it done,” begged James, deep down hoping the paper would just pop out in the next moment. “Or else you’ll just eat without me, I’ll join in shortly” 

“The kids wanted you together…” Shereen was interrupted before she managed to finish her sentence. There was a commotion going on in the dining table, the children started crying, perhaps due to being hungry, or that both the twins fought - James was uncertain what happened but the wailing sounds of the twin add on to his strenuous thoughts, rendering him harder to seek out the necessary documents. James sighed. With great unwillingness, he simply shoved the papers aside, and makes his way up the stairs up to the dining room. 

Upon entering the dining hall, James was greeted by the scene of two crying children with a plateful of mashed potato spilled all over the dining room floor, pieces of the plate’s debris scattered around and Shereen was busy calming the twins down despite the messy surrounding. Apparently, one of the twin accidentally pushed the plate down the dining table and the breaking of the plate as well of the accompanying sounds resulting from the falling of the utensils was enough to trigger a full-blown crying from the twins.

“Argh, just when I was fully occupied with my work, Jerry and Katie have to set this off,” James was clearly distraught by the missing paper and started to blame the children for obstructing his progress. 

“It was dinner time and if you did manage to control your time and make your way to the dining table earlier, perhaps all of this would not happen,” replied Shereen coldly while simultaneously patting the twins’ back gently to calm them down. “And, they are just children! Do you have to blame them for holding back your stupid research? You have been occupying yourself too extensively for the past two weeks! Three of us rarely see you these days! Snap out of it James!” 

“It was not a stupid research! I was doing it for the greater good of the mankind! If it was not for your yelling earlier, perhaps Jerry or Kat may not drop the plate!! You’re their mother, you should be watching over them while I focus on my almost-completed work!!!” yelled James, clearly losing his temper at the moment. “Are you not their father? For your information, I need to work daily and returned to clean up the house, cook dinner, wash the dishes, and get them to sleep!!! I did almost EVERYTHING while you tinkle with your hideous looking machine! Have you ever think of my work load???!” the escalating argument between the couple aided minimally to suppressing the twin’s wailing. On the contrary, as both James and Shereen raised their voice, the twins cried even louder. Soon, the dining hall was filled with anger and hatred encompassed with deafening crying by the twins. 

After a few more rounds of heated arguments, Shereen decided it was enough. “Fine, since you no longer bother to have dinner with us and take care of Kate and Jerry, we’ll just leave so you can continue to play around with your gadgets!!!!” “Alright, great, more peace for me!” replied James sarcastically. Upon uttering those words, Shereen threw down the napkins on the floor angrily, stormed up the stairs with the both sobbing Jerry and Katie, packed a bagful of clothing and prepared to exit to the porch. Amidst both the twins crying out for their father, a tearful Shereen, while holding tightly to both the twins’ hands, turn to James for the last time and murmured in great despair – “why?” before leaving the house totally heart-broken. 

While hearing his wife’s car gradually vanishing through the street, James, though looked unsettled by sudden dramatic incident that unfolded right in front of his eyes, was unwilling to make any attempts to rescue the ailing condition. At the moment, the importance of completing the machine seemed to have overwhelmed his emotions and care to his family. Starring at the spaghetti and potato prepared by his wife earlier prior to the argument, while concurrently feeling slightly regretful and confused on what should be his next move, James decisively turned back from the table and yet again immersed himself in his creation.

-To be continued-

渺小

突然，觉得自己很渺小。看着越来越多朋友， 尤其中学的，都一个个毕业了，不仅多了感慨， 多了一份唏嘘。 希望能向他们般优异的迈向另一个里程碑，但近期，过去了的表现，令我天天多了份犹豫，忧郁，惶恐。虽说无法改变，却不得不质疑自己付出的努力：我究竟有付出所有吗？也不得不开始质疑自己所定下的标准- 难听点， 的确感觉下滑了。 看着朋友们， 有的工作能力卓越，有的分析能力独到， 从新评估自己，好像无法相提并论。 想到自己以往有很大的抱负，想到改变世界， 改变自己和家人的生活水准， 让忙碌的父母过着无忧的退休生活，大学失色的表现，令我开始担忧自己离目标越远， 虽说读书不能只顾成绩， 但如果不能表现得好- 连这基本学生责任都无法做到，还真没资格谈未来。 说真的，要从新规划人生了......

Day 3 - Helping hands

While anticipating for the results of the report which is to be revealed on the coming week, herbs have been widely sourced to cure the disease. Thankfully for all relatives and friends, adequate amount of snake grasses have been gathered to aid with the healing process...Really hope it can serve as our saviour.

Chemotherapy - a subject which I dare not discuss with her. Truthfully, I had my fair share of doubts too. Although it was widely used as the main treatment for cancers, and there are numerous cases of successful patients, the process is understandably excruciating. She definitely rejected the idea of using chemo. Although I do recognise and would agree with her concerns on chemo, rationally, I also understand the importance of undergoing it to kill off these unfavourable cells. Thus, I couldn't start persuading her in view of my personal conflicting viewpoints.

Keep fighting...

Day 2 - Life will never be the same

It's the second day since I was told of the shocking results. The atmosphere was slightly better than yesterday but it's still very worrying. After undergoing a biopsy, she was visibly tired. In fact, soon after the anaesthetic resides, the pain steps in. From her look, it's definitely heartache to see such condition, but I know these are only the tests....

Undertaking all her responsibility at home, I started to understand how taxing and repetitive her work would be. Personally carrying out the tasks made me realised how much she had contributed to the family, now I know it's my time to shoulder her responsibilities for her to rest adequately. Thankfully, despite the inconveniences, she guided me through the chores such that I wouldn't look so loss...

After a brief visit by my aunt, we were aware of the need to completely overhaul our eating habits. We understand the road to recovery require strict observation at her eating habits. She could no longer take the dishes she loved like crabs, eggs and lots more. She could rarely join three of us for dinner and take the same meal as us. And the first thing she said upon understanding this stunned me for a moment:

"Life will never be that interesting again"

Somehow upon hearing that, I found the sky was not the same anymore. I can feel that her perspective on life is not the same. Even the dinner in her absence felt so gloomy. Looking at other families at the restaurant, tears started rolling in the eyes but I know I couldn't break down. Upon understanding her tough stand on chemotherapy, we really hope the traditional herbs would cure the demonic disease within her soon. I understand, the road to recovery would be a long one, but trust me, I will be your side through the journey ahead...

Sacrificial power

These few days, reading through the newspaper, I suddenly realized the power of sacrifice. Although in the eyes of others, these sacrifice may seem small, yet they contribute to major changes in the world.

Reflecting back to the 9/11 tragedy, it has been 10 years since the act of terrorism send chills and anger throughout the whole world. I recall during that event, through the live news, I was witnessing the plane crashing into the 2nd tower and immediately the tower crumbles with agony screaming around the US public. In midst of that chaos, there is another scheduled hijacking which was supposed to crash into the Pentagon, but due to the fighting spirit of the passengers on board the hijacked plane, they sacrificed themselves by retaliating on the hijackers thus rendering the flight to plunge into an area somewhere of the targeted destination. Although I couldn't remember any survivors from the crash, their heroic spirit has definitely spared dozens and thousands of innocent lives from being taken away.

Till date, people are still sacrificing selflessly in place for a better future for the coming generations. For instance, I read about a Japanese veteran engineer who pool together a group of retired veterans in coming out with solutions to neutralized the threat of the Fukoshima nuclear disaster which has yet to be suppressed. Although these retirees may have been of old age, they are willing to volunteer themselves to enter into the hazardous nuclear plant to carry out salvaging work for the cooler system. They would not hesitate to stand in front of the younger generations to protect them from the high risk of the radiation. They feel that rather than exposing the young ones to the radiation, they feel its more appropriate for them to shelter this burden. They may not have any ties with most of the younger people, yet they are doing this out of selflessness, out of a pure heart to sacrifice for a better tomorrow.

I would like to pay my highest tribute to these heroes who have a heart of gold, who have a spirit of selflessness that ensures continuous warmth among humanity.

BIS and SIFE meetings

It's a roller coaster day.

First during audit class, something unexpected happened. Everything seems so blur, I'm so lost, yet no idea how it begins or how it progress.........Both are my friends, yet at such loggerheads that I dunno how to respond.......

Next, there is the BIS meeting. I met Sunway's Steve Jobs (yes, he do look like Steve Jobs) yet sounded more crappy XD, gotta admit, he's good at talking, whoever groups with him for presentation or for competition will sure win. Was a bit disappointed initially as design which was confirmed earlier was scheduled for another major change, feels the effort just gone to the drain.....haiz

Luckily, SIFE brought my mood up. First of course met up with the people from the gang I usually mix around, next, met my secondary friend, glad to have another CHS friend here in Sunway. Started off with a price tag game, sadly, I'm only worth RM 0.05 or RM 0.10 (convertible, not bad, specs cost me less) Then, during C.A.R game, really gave it all, image totally tarnished....XD. Finally, seeing the outspoken people in SIFE such as Celine, Kishen and Sonia make me wonder how much will I have to learn to be able to speak so naturally. With their level of presentation, they still said they were far away from the UTP SIFE and UUM people, guess there's really a lot of talented people out there, I'm definitely feeling more inferior now....lol

That's all for the day, still in confusion, but better now......

Happy + Sad = Neutral

Today first endure a short lived moment of happiness, but it soon ended in disappointment and frustration.

Persuasive speech on next thurs? No idea, but definitely I'm on topic stress now. Add on with graded test 2 on next wed, it's like Do or Die for next week.

Numbers summarizing the day: Seven, Eight, Five, Five

PS: I'm not giving tips on buying TOTO or MAGNUM, if you bought and nothing came out, I shall not be liable.

Day with plentiful events

Today was a day packed with a number of events:

First, I 'swing' front and back in my impromptu speech as though I'm on a swing in the playground. I have also revealed some of my embarrassing nicknames in class. There goes my face.

Next, my dad sold a 30 years old vintage car which kinda form part of my house's identity. Seeing it driven away was really a bit sad but we don't really drive manual cars anymore, so all the best, old pal! Hope you find joy in your new owner!

Then, finally my day was finally capped off with the burning of my Astro decoder. My mum was watching the badminton match between Koo-Tan and Lee-Jang before smokes came out from the decoder, further giving out the smell of BBQ plastic. Thought I will be getting upgraded version of Astro but sadly technician thinks he can fix it. Sad.....I wonder how the technician could salvage a decoder that was so close to being catch on fire......